A charasimatic (if long-wnded) orator, Osama has rallied to him thousands of closet homosexuals and other self-loathing individuals from all across the world to form al-Qaeda, a terrorist organization that rivals SPECTRE, E.V.I.L., COBRA, and even the Phone Company! With these witless minions at his command, he hopes to bring the world under an Islamic government that will turn the global clock back to ca. 642AD. Well, turn it back for everyone but himself and his long-time companion the Magical One-Eyed Muillah Omar and other members of the true secret society lurking behind al-Qaeda--al-Queerda! They need their cable television so they can keep watching porn, and they need the jet airplanes so they can have little boys and girls flown in to serve as sex slaves.
Every organization in the world (except NAMBLA... and I don't mean the
North American Marlon Brando Look-Alikes club) want to see Osama dead and
burried. Even the evil Doctor Goldfoot wishes him dead, because he feels
Osama gives would-be world-conquerers a bad name by using living people
as suicide bombers when Bikini Machines would do the trick just fine. So
far, despite the best efforts of the greatest armies in the world and top
intelligence organizations, Osama bin Laden remains safely ensconced in
his underground mountain lair in the Tora-Bora region of Afghanistan, thanks
to an unholy union between al-Queerda and a shadowy cult devoted to having
sex with goats and kittens, the public face of which is known alternatively
as the Taliban or the Muslim Brotherhood.
Total Character Points: 113
Total Skill Points: 150
Body: 4 Mind: 7 Soul: 7
Health Points: 45
Energy Points: 70
Attack Combat Value: 5 Defense Combat Value:
3
| Attributes | Level | Points |
| Appearance | 1 | 1 |
| Art of Distraction | 4 | 4 |
| Aura of Command | 4 | 4 |
| Divine Relationship | 2 | 2 |
| Flunkies* | 6 | 6 |
| Gun Bunny (Portable Armory, Weapons Encyclopedia) | 2 | 2 |
| Highly Skilled | 13 | 13 |
| Organizational Ties (al-Qaeda terror network) | 4 | 12 |
| Organizational Ties (al-Queerda social network) | 6 | 6 |
| Organizational Ties (Muslim Brotherhood/Taliban) | 4 | 8 |
| Organizational Ties (CAIR/Hamas) | 1 | 2 |
| Organizatinal Ties (NAMBLA/Fatah) | 4 | 4 |
| Personal Gear (Guns, bombs, cute dresses, 1st-edition Korans, goats, donkeys, secret mountain lair, etc.) | 6 | 6 |
| Wealth | 5 | 15 |
| Skills | Level | Points |
| Animal training (Goats) | 1 | 1 |
| Business Management (Accounting, Fraud, Marketing, Recruitment) | 3 | 15 |
| Demolitions (Artificial Structures) | 3 | 12 |
| Engineering (Civil) | 1 | 1 |
| Intimidation (Business, Poliitical, Street) | 3 | 14 |
| Linguistics (Arabic, Afghani, English, Russian) | 2 | 4 |
| Military Sciences (Logistics) | 4 | 12 |
| Performing Arts (Public Speaking) | 1 | 1 |
| Physical Sciences (Physics) | 1 | 2 |
| Riding (Camel, Donkey) | 2 | 3 |
| Seduction (Male) | 1 | 2 |
| Stealth (Concealment) | 1 | 4 |
| Visual Arts (Flower Arranging) | 4 | 4 |
| Wilderness Survival (Desert, Mountain) | 4 | 5 |
| Writing (Manifestos) | 1 | 1 |
| Combat Skills | Level | Points |
| Gun Combat (Pistol, Rifle) | 3 | 19 |
| Heavy Weapons (Rocket and Missile Launchers) | 3 | 12 |
| Melee Attack (Baton/Club, Sword) | 2 | 9 |
| Melee Defense (Baton/Club, Knife, Improvised Weapons) | 1 | 6 |
| Ranged Defense (Personal, Ground Vehicle) | 2 | 13 |
| Unarmed Attack (Strikes) | 2 | 8 |
| Unarmed Defense (Strikes) | 1 | 4 |
| Defects | Bonus Points | |
| Easily Distracted (Little Boys, frilly underwear in Men's Sizes) | 2 | |
| Not So Fast | 2 | |
| Not So Tough | 1 | |
| Nemesis (Any rational, literate Muslim and decent human being) | 2 | |
| Phobia (Fear of Women) | 2 | |
| Skeleton in the Closet
(cross-dressing, homosexual pedophile) |
2 | |
| Wanted (dead by every sane human being) | 2 |
| Total Character Points: 12
Total Skill Points: 10 |
||
| Body: 4 Mind: 2 Soul: 2 | ||
| Health Points: 30
Energy Points: 20
Attack Combat Value: 2 Defense Combat Value: 0 |
||
| Attributes | Level | Points |
| Organizational Ties (al-Qaeda) | 1 | 1 |
| Personal Gear (AK-47 assault rifle, suicide vest) | 1 | 1 |
| Skills | Level | Points |
| Demolitions (Crowds of unsuspecting innocents) | 1 | 4 |
| Intimidation (Street) | 1 | 4 |
| Performing Arts (Singing [Show Tunes]) | 1 | 1 |
| Visual Arts (Flower Arranging | 1 | 1 |
| Disadvantages | Bonus Points | |
| Phobia (Pork Products) | 1 | |
| Unskilled | 1 |
The suicide vest worn by each flunkie is packed with explosives that
causes 45 points of damage to the wearer and 30 points of damage to everyone
and everything within 8 meters at the moment of detonation.
There are many ways to pit player characters against the nefarious Osama
and his Jihadis... and all of them are good.
Page created by Steve
Miller December 27, 2007
All characters mentioned on this page are TM and ©
their respective owners and are used her for satirical purporses. No challenges
to ownership or infringement intended.